Friday, October 16, 2015

The Road to Baby

I've written, re-written, saved, and edited this post multiple times over the past month or so. I've been debating on actually posting it, but it's real life. Fertility issues are something people don't enjoy talking about but it is a real life issue that many couples deal with. While our journey wasn't as long or as hard as others, that doesn't mean it wasn't tough. This is our story....

The day it really started was at a Panthers game last winter. Tyler and I were looking through the over priced fan shop when he picked up the sweetest little stuffed bear wearing a panthers shirt and said that he wanted to get it for when we have a little one. Melt my heart in to a puddle right there on the floor. It was in that moment that we decided it was time to try!

Tyler was convinced we would get pregnant right away. In my heart I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Little did I know I was right.

I'm going to get in to some TMI topics so if medical stuff makes you uncomfortable then stop reading now.

Winter 2014-2015
Went off birth control which I had been on since I turned 18.

My cycle still wasn't on a normal cycle. I knew it would probably be a little out of wack the first few months off birth control so I tried not to stress. I was working out, eating healthy, and just going about my daily life. I did however start "tracking" using OPK's this month.
Quick lesson, an OPK is an ovulation predictor kit. I splurged and bought a digital that was supposed to have a flashing smiley face on your "its almost time!" days and a solid smile on the "you better get to business today!" day.
I had a solid week of flashing smiles (these should only show up for one or two days before a solid smile) and finally a solid smile on March 5th!

Negative pregnancy test... and no sign of a cycle....

First doctor's appointment with my new doctor on April 6th (cycle day 50), she prescribed me progesterone to try and "jump start my cycle" and also prescribed me my fist round of Clomid 50mg.  After a lengthy conversation about my history/symptoms (I had gained over 10 lbs since I stopped birth control all while working out diligently and watching what I was eating, aka the opposite of what should be happening) she was pretty confident that I had PCOS so my body wasn't going to ovulate on its own. I was thankful that she was so proactive, usually they tell you to keep trying for at least a year naturally to see if it happens. I think she could sense how scared I was and also my symptoms were PCOS to a T.
April 16th CD 60 I had my first ultrasound and PCOS was confirmed. My ovaries looked like chocolate chip cookies. Seeing that many cysts scared me even more but I trusted my doctor and the plan she had laid out.
CD 61 and aunt flow finally showed up! Started Clomid on CD 3, and began feeling symptoms almost immediately.  Headaches/nausea/fatigue to name a few, but I kept telling myself it would be worth it.
Used OPK's again with lots of flashy smiles and but no solid, and then came the hot flashes. I'm dreading menopause after experiencing Clomid hot flashes. I stayed hopeful though, hot flashes meant it was working!

Blood work on CD 21 May 7th to measure my progesterone levels to see if ovulation had occurred. May 11th I receive the phone call, Clomid didn't work. I didn't ovulate.
Tyler and I had some long conversations and prayed a lot. Should we keep going down this medical route to try and conceive? Or just give it up to God. The medication had wrecked havoc on my body, I was miserable. Not only physically but emotionally.
My follow up appointment with my OB was on CD42, we discussed the side effects I experienced on the 50 mg of Clomid, my disappointment that it hadn't worked, etc. My doctor then, with no pressure at all, wrote me a prescription for progesterone and Clomid 100 mg. She said she understood if I didn't want to take them but that she really believed I should give it one more chance.
I called Tyler when I left the office and we decided to give it one more go, but this would be my last.
CD 42 I started progesterone with instructions to take 100 mg of Clomid CD 3-7 which came two weeks later

Enter round two of Clomid hell. Bless Tyler's heart for dealing with me during that time because I could barely put up with myself. The headaches/mood swings/nausea/weight gain rolled in to one was almost unbearable. But again.... "it will be worth it". However June 2015 will go down as one of the worst months I've ever had.
June 29th, CD 22 blood work.
June 30th..... received the phone call "I'm sorry, the Clomid didn't work... at this point your next option will be to see a fertility specialist".
My body had failed me again. I cried, Tyler comforted me, we talked about our options and decided that we were done.
We would give it up to God.
If we were meant to have children it would happen, but we didn't want to put my body through any more stress.
Some people have the strength and courage to move forward with IUI and IVF, which are both amazing options, but I don't think I physically or emotionally could've handled them.

My birthday month! We were going to just enjoy married life and being fur parents to our puppies and our Siamese. We had a trip to Virgina planned, my birthday to celebrate, the birth of my cousins baby to be excited about. Life was good.
We started P90x3 on July 6th, cleaned up our diets and we're ready to get in shape.
July 17th I vividly remember a conversation about our future, non-parent plans. We would be out of debt before the end of 2015 and start saving for a home and to buy an old Ford Bronco as a "project car". Isn't it funny how as soon as you plan your future, God steps in? 
July 18th CD 41 I decided to take a pregnancy test just for the heck of it.
If you're TTC you know that you usually have a stock pile of pregnancy tests and I was getting sick of looking at them, so why not use them? I knew it would be negative.... 
Like I'd done what seemed like a million times, I peed on the stick, and flipped the test upside down on the counter and went about my morning routine. Brushed my teeth and washed my face. Decided it had been long enough for that one solid pink line to show up, flipped it over, and there they were... Two pink lines. I immediately broke down. I dug in my stockpile for a digital test. The results popped up almost immediately. "Pregnant" "1-2 weeks". After seeing so many of those tests say "Not Pregnant", seeing it without a "Not" took my breath away. 

I had always planned on telling Tyler in some cute, well thought out way but I was so emotional, there was no time for that. I walked out to the den with the tests behind my back, he immediately stood up and asked what was wrong and I handed him the tests. He looked down and with a huge smile "are you serious?!" 

We spent the rest of the day talking about our future mini, we went out shopping, got a few baby books, and just enjoyed the day together. 

The road to baby wasn't an easy one, and the first few months of pregnancy weren't been much easier. But I am so thankful that God has blessed us with this child and I can't wait to hold it in my arms.

Just remember no matter what you're struggling with, give it to God. He knows exactly what you need and his plan for you is perfect even if it doesn't go how you think it will. And he will never give you more then you can handle.

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